I have been quite busy and also a little bit lazy. I work a lot now. I know I haven't been able to write in a while. A lot has changed in just a few months. Just working a lot, dealing with coworkers and friends, some drama, but mostly just trying to get things done. Its been much hotter now, the weather is in late 80s temperature. I am finally paying off some of my tuition, little by little. But I still have a lot to go. I will be paying off my loans right after that.
The good news is, I finally got a car! I know, I still can't believe it sometimes. I have driven it once, its a bit of a process. I have a permit so I need to find insurance so that I can register the car, or I can wait until I get my license and then it could be easier. But the issue is I cannot drive my car without license plates. If I do register it, I still can't drive it any time because of my permit only allowing certain hours, and I need a licensed passenger next to me. Its a golden tan car, a chevy. It has a bit of rust on the sides near the doors. But its not bad, I drove it to get groceries, took a risk, but I had no choice. It was blazing hot and I needed to get groceries. I did get stopped by police the second time when I was just trying to drive around the block, only because I don't know how to reverse yet, I had to do it for the downstairs people who needed to get their car out of the driveway. I moved mine and drove it one block. Well long story short, they let me go, and told me to never do that again. It was funny. I was feeling kind of high or lost because of the heat.
This heat has been pretty bad. I really did feel high the other day, from so much heat. I wasn't sure what was happening. I have been having too much coffee lately, but its weird now I crave it and I don't care if I have to run to the bathroom five times a day. But I will try to stop with the eating frenzy and all that. I still have yet to lose weight, I lose some and gain it back. It is definitely a struggle. I am trying though, I wish it was easier. I know I have bad self-control. I just gotta try harder.
My coworkers are my friends at this point. I hang out with them at work, it gets fun and sometimes too much drama. I may even have a thing with a coworker. Actually, I do have a love life now. This person is totally unexpected, it may be temporary but its something. I am enjoying them to the fullest. Its nice to be able to see them all the time. I compared it a bit to my last relation and can honestly say this is ten times better. It definitely helped me feel like I deserve so much more. I feel at peace for once, and I am happy. I am not crying at all. Although it is risky and I am doing something that I know will end but I am enjoying the moments and the time I have with them. They are beautiful and great. Right now we are just starting to be together so that is the scary part because its now about who's falling for who. I do feel they may be falling, although they don't try to show it. I know I am falling, and I am trying to hide it too. But I feel they may be falling faster than me, which is what I am worried about. I can fall, I will handle myself. But I am not sure what to do if they fall. I feel guilty for that.
My life is definitely better, I have friends, a job, a love life, a car, and I am starting to pay my tuition off. I got everything on track. I do need to keep moving forward, I am planning to save so I can pay my loans and also start my masters degree for becoming a teacher. I also have been thinking of what it would be like to open a small business. I am considering it, so I might be saving for that and looking into it. My family misses New York a lot these days, I think my mother is finally getting more and more into moving back to New York. I really want her to come back, only because its better here and there is no one else in Texas besides my family. It really doesn't make sense for them to be out there all by themselves, at least here we have family and friends. There is always something happening in New York and the weather here is more enjoyable. Even winter is fun because there is something always happening. I miss New York all the time as well. Ramadan came and ended, I managed to keep about 10-14 fasts. I know I missed a lot, I will make it all up hopefully in time. I knew it would be difficult with work, especially because they always have food around, so it was so hard to not want to rip off the food from peoples hands. I would get so tired from talking, I did not expect to get so tired. For now I just want to enjoy the summer and be happy. I have already gotten a bit tanned.
