It's Getting Better...

I am officially working now. I work full time five days a week. It’s alright for the most part. I don’t like the job as much, but it is pretty easy and the pay is better than my old jobs. I get to sit all day and talk on the phone with customers helping with their diabetic meters for doing blood tests. It is a pain sometimes because there are some rude or obnoxious customers. But my coworkers are nice, I made some friends. There is also free coffee. Sometimes they have snacks or food. The surprising part is seeing a lot of obese people working there; I mean these are morbidly obese coworkers. One man he looks bigger than a door. There are also two vending machines of candy and chips, and two for soda, and one more for cold sandwiches and snacks and frozen foods. The vending machines are always stocked with some good candy selection; I myself eat too many chocolate bars from there.

I am still trying to lose weight. I lost the only 6 lbs, but not sure if I can keep it off and lose more. I eat semi healthy, sometimes I eat what I want. I got a weight machine finally, but my hardwood floors are not exactly straight so I have to find a spot to put the machine, but can’t tell if it is my accurate weight. It is a nice machine, digital, made of glass. I got it on Amazon. I did keep one fast, so now I have nine left.

The weather is definitely better but it is still cold. It snowed a little in the beginning of April, but now snow is gone until winter comes again. But it doesn’t quite feel like spring either. It feels more like fall. Its been windy, sometimes it’s sunny, but then it is also chilly and cold. I still wear a raincoat, and I put the heat on at night. It’s alright I guess. Now I just work and come home to relax and work some more. My hours are not so great. I work 1:30p.m - 10:00p.m. I have to leave at 12p.m to get there on time and then I leave and get home by 11p.m. It takes me all day basically, I spend 3-4 hours at home before I leave, and stay up late 3-4 hours after before I sleep to make the most of my day. It is different not being in school anymore, I don’t miss much of it at all. I do miss socializing, hanging out with friends, doing stuff, going somewhere for fun. I haven’t really gone out in months. I miss doing stuff, I don’t really have anyone to hang out with either. I will try to maybe go to the movies next week, even if its by myself, and I can eat at that pizza buffet. I have wanted to go to the mall or Wal-Mart to check some things. I keep delaying to go, I might go today but I am not feeling so good. I was thinking of ordering pizza. But definitely next I will go to Wal-mart, get some things I need. There is this other mall called the Galleria Mall, its supposedly very big, I might go there one day, but its far, I want to try cheesecake at the Cheesecake Factory. I know my roommate works there.

                                       

I still have to pay off my tuition, I paid a little bit, so I know I will be able to pay the rest in about a few months. I am right now trying to save to buy a car first, I am tired of walking all the time. Especially at night it is very hard to walk home. I have to walk to my school campus, catch the bus there, than walk home from the south campus. I just think its risky from work to the campus, even though it’s a quite road, and there are houses, I also walk through this Jewish Center to get to the bridge which is in the back of the Jewish Center. It’s a small walking bridge, that leads to a trail walk path to the road, and from there is the entrance and parking lot of the dorm building of the campus. I go in through there and catch bus at the stop there. Then it goes throughout the campus, and then to the south, so all that takes maybe 20 minutes and then getting to south another 20 minutes. I then cross the south campus, and walk two blocks to my house, which takes another 15-20 minutes. Walking from my work to the campus bus stop takes 15 minutes. In total it takes about an hour and maybe 15-20 minutes. But technically if I drove, I only live 20-30 minutes from my work. Imagine the time I would also save with a car. Plus I need to start my moving plan for getting to Texas. Once I have enough I am getting a car. Then I will work and save to pay off my last semester tuition, and then I am off to Texas. I may stop at New York one last time and hang out for a day or two and then to Texas. I am so focused. The only thing I like to splurge, I also need a new phone soon. My phone is getting old and it does not have all those apps I wish to have. I am disconnected to updated technology. In the mean time I am trying to lose weight too. I had been working out a lot more. I just stopped this past week. 

I really need to get into shape, I hate how its so hard and I am not exactly focused as I should be, I don't eat as much but I do cheat, I eat candy, chocolate, chips, but in a lower dosage. I eat less but am still enjoying myself. I just need to eat healthier and exercise more. I hope I can do it, my goal was 30 lbs in 3 months.. by June I was hoping to be 30 lbs lighter.. But I only lost 6 lbs. So now I have one month and I want to try to at least do 10 lbs. In June I can lose another 10 lbs especially since Ramadan is coming then. I know when I didn't eat meat for a month I lost 10 lbs. I need to let myself feel hungry, and I definitely want to make up the 9 fasts I have left. I only get Tuesdays and Saturdays off. I know I can fast while at work since all I do is sit.. Alright so Tuesday I will fast, Wednesday as well, Thursday too. Friday I will take a break, and Saturday too. Then Sunday- Thursday I fast again. I may even just fast on Friday as well. So that will be 9 days. I really want to lose weight, I hate how its constantly on my mind, I see myself everyday and I hate weighing myself in fear of gaining more. I hate when my weight changes, one day I weigh less, next day I gain. It changes see-saws back and forth. I need to just stay focused and determined, I need to get back in my exercise routine. 

I know I am proud that this month and last month I definitely exercised a lot more. I do 100 squats, 200 sit ups, I dance sometimes for 20-30 minutes. I even do other random exercises. With all the walking, 2 1/2 miles going and coming from work every day. I walk about 12 ish miles a week. Sometimes even more if I get groceries on my days off or go somewhere.. What I try to do is I eat in morning.. and then eat lunch right after, then I eat dinner around evening, since I work during lunch time. I can't eat during lunch time at 1 p.m so I just eat breakfast and lunch and over stuff myself, Or sometimes I eat a big breakfast. It helps better so then I'm not hungry at like 11 pm at night. That was my issue before, when I first started working I wouldn't eat lunch until 5-6 p.m and by the time I got home I would be starving. Now when I eat I feel full from my big breakfast, so when I eat dinner I am not even that hungry and I stuff myself again, so when I get home I am ready to unwind and sleep. I can't eat so late since its bad to eat before you sleep, but also my stomach hurts a lot when I wake up in the morning. So I get stomach cramps and acidity. Grrr.. I am determined, I am tired of saying over and over I want to lose weight.. I will do it! Whatever I can do and whatever it takes! I already cut my hair, and once I lose weight I will style it nice and get high lights.

I also have still been writing more, I finally got one article published at Thought Catalog, took me three trys. It finally got published and I recieved 16k views!!! I am so happy about that. I also write at Mogul website written about 2-3 new articles. I also am starting to write another book. I call it Spiderwoman or Spidergirl. It is a spinoff of Spiderman, but a girl instead. I hate how there are no superheroes that are women. So that got me thinking and now I have started writing. I already have the summary for the book, and I have a part 2 for it as well. I actually thought of it as movies. But now I think why not a book. I also have my other book, I guess I could call it Elkboy, or something. I haven't gotten back to it though. But its all a work in progress. I have also been reading more too. I am just trying to do more of my hobbies, its nice finally doing what I want. I wish I could travel too, but I know that will have to wait. I mean if I can do it all, maybe I can go somewhere, at least New York if anywhere, I do miss New York a lot. Maybe I can go to California one day, or Hawaii. My sister already went to Mexico, also where I want to go too. Maybe soon, hopefully. Or even maybe I may be able to go to Italy.  As far as dating, I am still talking to that guy, he's nice but its just casual for now. Its through online dating, I know it sucks but he is in Massachusetts, so its closer, don't know if we will ever meet though. We did talk on the phone once. That is the only issue with online dating websites, with meeting up its always just not as realistic.. But at least I am trying on some level. I have been talking to my mom now, and its alright for now. It's all getting a little better, one step at a time...