One year later.. 2017

I am back on blogging. I completely forgot about this blog. A lot has happened over the past year. I have changed jobs twice. I left my call center job in February of this year. I actually got fired due to some personal matters with a coworkers. It was a bit drastic and also surprising to find out about the coworkers behaviors, since I knew them very closely. I ended up finding a teacher assistant position in this preschool for students with disabilities as well. I worked with a studentt that had autism very closely. I enjoyed it so much, and yet it was also very stressful. At first I was a floating teacher assistant. I would go from one classroom to another.

The issue with that was the teachers and other teacher assistants expected me to know everything about the students that I knew nothing about. I had no knowledge of their allergies or special food diets or behaviors. I went to many classrooms and was basically floating around. Then afterschool there is also a daycare program. I would go to whichever teachers needed assistance. One day one of the T.A's had forgotten to mention that a student was picked up by their mother on the way downstairs into another classroom. So I was in panic mode and the teacher who was signing them into her classroom obviously made it seem as though it was my fault. I was helping a few students get there things, while the T.A was taking the rest down stairs. She was supposed to let us know the parent came and the parent was supposed to sign out the student from the classroom we were heading to, instead of taking her daughter from the hallway. So I was sent to just work in the toddler rooms only. If anything it made it easier for me, and I didn't have to run around as much. The same for the school hours, I was in just one classroom because the main teacher quit and so I was there to assist the sub teachjer. She turned into a permanent teacher and I became the assistant teacher. There were 8 students.Two students were Arabicc, one was autistic, anoter was on the spectrum of autistic, one student was a choker, and another ate ramen noodles at home and nothing else.

I enjoyed it a lot. the only downside was changing those diapers. I am sure now,  I am a pro at it, but it still sucks to change very poopy diapers. The student that choked another was really hard to handle. The other issue was that the school was understaffed. Some classes had 3 teachers, usually  teachder worked one on one with a student who had disabilities . It was me with the autistic student, but I was not really trained or supposed to be that. The other issue was there was no help for the autisitc stuent until the end of the school year. There were PTs and OTs and STs for these students, this student needed it the most and got it last. He could not even respond to his own name.

THere was this one student that I loved named Naomi. She was adorable, sweet, a little mischevious, she loved food, and was a bit chubby. SHe struggled with paying attention when walking around, she had trouble with the stairs, and she was not very verbal. She wore glasses and her father resembled Will Smith. Another one of my most favorite student was Jesaan. He was the best student in the claI hope to ss, he followed all the rules, and never bothered or hurt anyone. Sometimes though he would say some of the funniest and weird things that you know he learned from some relative or cousins. I hope to have kids like him one day. We raised butterflies that lived brutal lives. There were 5 in the beginning. Only 3 made it in the end. One caterpillar never turned into a butterfly. One butterfly got stuck in its cuccoon. We taught the kids to plant. We went to a farm as a field trip. It was definitely a great learning experience. Sadly, ther was an incident where Naomi went issing for 2 hours during daycare. It was the same T.A who had let the parent pick up their child in the hallway. She forgot to count all the students in the playground, so Naomi was left outside in the sun. When the mother came to get her, that is when they noticed she went missing. So along with the T.A was anoter T.A. They both were fired.

Now at the end of the 6 months of working at the school I was suppose to obtain a teacher assistant license. I am planning to go back to school so I don't need that. Plus I was getting paid a bit less than my last job. So now I applied for another call center job. Now I just finished my 2 weeks in training, just one more to go. I am already taking some calls. It is for a temp agency job. I will take calls regarding leases on cars for GM. It seems alright. I am planning to get a car trough a lease or finance now that I learned all of this. I went to Canada during the July 4th weekend. I went there and celebrated Canada Independence Day. I went with a friend to Bruce Peninsula, where we swam to this underwater cave called The Grotto. It was pretty dangerous, and once we looked it up, we realized the water level was much higher so we went at a very dangerous time.. I also swam with my phone risking to take some pictiures. My phone works still. I guess ziplock in a grocery bag in a gym bag really works. Even though the grocery bag had a hole and didn't do much, the ziplock was good enough. It was a once in a lifetime experience. I also went snorkleing and saw underwater shipwrecks. Then the next day I went to Toronto. We went to the Ripleys Aquarium and on a night boat cruise to see the Toronto city skyline. There was the giant rubber ducky, which was fun to se.e Oh and I also went to California earlier in April. It was a short 4 day trip but truly amazing and breath taking. I wish to go and live there one day.

Other than that I have just been enjoying my time, brainstorming on saving more money and hoopefully getting more out of life.

Summer 2016

 I have been quite busy and also a little bit lazy. I work a lot now. I know I haven't been able to write in a while. A lot has changed in just a few months. Just working a lot, dealing with coworkers and friends, some drama, but mostly just trying to get things done. Its been much hotter now, the weather is in late 80s temperature. I am finally paying off some of my tuition, little by little. But I still have a lot to go. I will be paying off my loans right after that.

The good news is, I finally got a car! I know, I still can't believe it sometimes. I have driven it once, its a bit of a process. I have a permit so I need to find insurance so that I can register the car, or I can wait until I get my license and then it could be easier. But the issue is I cannot drive my car without license plates. If I do register it, I still can't drive it any time because of my permit only allowing certain hours, and I need a licensed passenger next to me. Its a golden tan car, a chevy. It has a bit of rust on the sides near the doors. But its not bad, I drove it to get groceries, took a risk, but I had no choice. It was blazing hot and I needed to get groceries. I did get stopped by police the second time when I was just trying to drive around the block, only because I don't know how to reverse yet, I had to do it for the downstairs people who needed to get their car out of the driveway. I moved mine and drove it one block. Well long story short, they let me go, and told me to never do that again. It was funny. I was feeling kind of high or lost because of the heat.

This heat has been pretty bad. I really did feel high the other day, from so much heat. I wasn't sure what was happening. I have been having too much coffee lately, but its weird now I crave it and I don't care if I have to run to the bathroom five times a day. But I will try to stop with the eating frenzy and all that. I still have yet to lose weight, I lose some and gain it back. It is definitely a struggle. I am trying though, I wish it was easier. I know I have bad self-control. I just gotta try harder.

My coworkers are my friends at this point. I hang out with them at work, it gets fun and sometimes too much drama. I may even have a thing with a coworker. Actually, I do have a love life now. This person is totally unexpected, it may be temporary but its something. I am enjoying them to the fullest. Its nice to be able to see them all the time. I compared it a bit to my last relation and can honestly say this is ten times better. It definitely helped me feel like I deserve so much more. I feel at peace for once, and I am happy. I am not crying at all. Although it is risky and I am doing something that I know will end but I am enjoying the moments and the time I have with them. They are beautiful and great. Right now we are just starting to be together so that is the scary part because its now about who's falling for who. I do feel they may be falling, although they don't try to show it. I know I am falling, and I am trying to hide it too. But I feel they may be falling faster than me, which is what I am worried about. I can fall, I will handle myself. But I am not sure what to do if they fall. I feel guilty for that.

My life is definitely better, I have friends, a job, a love life, a car, and I am starting to pay my tuition off. I got everything on track. I do need to keep moving forward, I am planning to save so I can pay my loans and also start my masters degree for becoming a teacher. I also have been thinking of what it would be like to open a small business. I am considering it, so I might be saving for that and looking into it. My family misses New York a lot these days, I think my mother is finally getting more and more into moving back to New York. I really want her to come back, only because its better here and there is no one else in Texas besides my family. It really doesn't make sense for them to be out there all by themselves, at least here we have family and friends. There is always something happening in New York and the weather here is more enjoyable. Even winter is fun because there is something always happening. I miss New York all the time as well. Ramadan came and ended, I managed to keep about 10-14 fasts. I know I missed a lot, I will make it all up hopefully in time. I knew it would be difficult with work, especially because they always have food around, so it was so hard to not want to rip off the food from peoples hands. I would get so tired from talking, I did not expect to get so tired. For now I just want to enjoy the summer and be happy. I have already gotten a bit tanned.

It's Getting Better...

I am officially working now. I work full time five days a week. It’s alright for the most part. I don’t like the job as much, but it is pretty easy and the pay is better than my old jobs. I get to sit all day and talk on the phone with customers helping with their diabetic meters for doing blood tests. It is a pain sometimes because there are some rude or obnoxious customers. But my coworkers are nice, I made some friends. There is also free coffee. Sometimes they have snacks or food. The surprising part is seeing a lot of obese people working there; I mean these are morbidly obese coworkers. One man he looks bigger than a door. There are also two vending machines of candy and chips, and two for soda, and one more for cold sandwiches and snacks and frozen foods. The vending machines are always stocked with some good candy selection; I myself eat too many chocolate bars from there.

I am still trying to lose weight. I lost the only 6 lbs, but not sure if I can keep it off and lose more. I eat semi healthy, sometimes I eat what I want. I got a weight machine finally, but my hardwood floors are not exactly straight so I have to find a spot to put the machine, but can’t tell if it is my accurate weight. It is a nice machine, digital, made of glass. I got it on Amazon. I did keep one fast, so now I have nine left.

The weather is definitely better but it is still cold. It snowed a little in the beginning of April, but now snow is gone until winter comes again. But it doesn’t quite feel like spring either. It feels more like fall. Its been windy, sometimes it’s sunny, but then it is also chilly and cold. I still wear a raincoat, and I put the heat on at night. It’s alright I guess. Now I just work and come home to relax and work some more. My hours are not so great. I work 1:30p.m - 10:00p.m. I have to leave at 12p.m to get there on time and then I leave and get home by 11p.m. It takes me all day basically, I spend 3-4 hours at home before I leave, and stay up late 3-4 hours after before I sleep to make the most of my day. It is different not being in school anymore, I don’t miss much of it at all. I do miss socializing, hanging out with friends, doing stuff, going somewhere for fun. I haven’t really gone out in months. I miss doing stuff, I don’t really have anyone to hang out with either. I will try to maybe go to the movies next week, even if its by myself, and I can eat at that pizza buffet. I have wanted to go to the mall or Wal-Mart to check some things. I keep delaying to go, I might go today but I am not feeling so good. I was thinking of ordering pizza. But definitely next I will go to Wal-mart, get some things I need. There is this other mall called the Galleria Mall, its supposedly very big, I might go there one day, but its far, I want to try cheesecake at the Cheesecake Factory. I know my roommate works there.

                                       

I still have to pay off my tuition, I paid a little bit, so I know I will be able to pay the rest in about a few months. I am right now trying to save to buy a car first, I am tired of walking all the time. Especially at night it is very hard to walk home. I have to walk to my school campus, catch the bus there, than walk home from the south campus. I just think its risky from work to the campus, even though it’s a quite road, and there are houses, I also walk through this Jewish Center to get to the bridge which is in the back of the Jewish Center. It’s a small walking bridge, that leads to a trail walk path to the road, and from there is the entrance and parking lot of the dorm building of the campus. I go in through there and catch bus at the stop there. Then it goes throughout the campus, and then to the south, so all that takes maybe 20 minutes and then getting to south another 20 minutes. I then cross the south campus, and walk two blocks to my house, which takes another 15-20 minutes. Walking from my work to the campus bus stop takes 15 minutes. In total it takes about an hour and maybe 15-20 minutes. But technically if I drove, I only live 20-30 minutes from my work. Imagine the time I would also save with a car. Plus I need to start my moving plan for getting to Texas. Once I have enough I am getting a car. Then I will work and save to pay off my last semester tuition, and then I am off to Texas. I may stop at New York one last time and hang out for a day or two and then to Texas. I am so focused. The only thing I like to splurge, I also need a new phone soon. My phone is getting old and it does not have all those apps I wish to have. I am disconnected to updated technology. In the mean time I am trying to lose weight too. I had been working out a lot more. I just stopped this past week. 

I really need to get into shape, I hate how its so hard and I am not exactly focused as I should be, I don't eat as much but I do cheat, I eat candy, chocolate, chips, but in a lower dosage. I eat less but am still enjoying myself. I just need to eat healthier and exercise more. I hope I can do it, my goal was 30 lbs in 3 months.. by June I was hoping to be 30 lbs lighter.. But I only lost 6 lbs. So now I have one month and I want to try to at least do 10 lbs. In June I can lose another 10 lbs especially since Ramadan is coming then. I know when I didn't eat meat for a month I lost 10 lbs. I need to let myself feel hungry, and I definitely want to make up the 9 fasts I have left. I only get Tuesdays and Saturdays off. I know I can fast while at work since all I do is sit.. Alright so Tuesday I will fast, Wednesday as well, Thursday too. Friday I will take a break, and Saturday too. Then Sunday- Thursday I fast again. I may even just fast on Friday as well. So that will be 9 days. I really want to lose weight, I hate how its constantly on my mind, I see myself everyday and I hate weighing myself in fear of gaining more. I hate when my weight changes, one day I weigh less, next day I gain. It changes see-saws back and forth. I need to just stay focused and determined, I need to get back in my exercise routine. 

I know I am proud that this month and last month I definitely exercised a lot more. I do 100 squats, 200 sit ups, I dance sometimes for 20-30 minutes. I even do other random exercises. With all the walking, 2 1/2 miles going and coming from work every day. I walk about 12 ish miles a week. Sometimes even more if I get groceries on my days off or go somewhere.. What I try to do is I eat in morning.. and then eat lunch right after, then I eat dinner around evening, since I work during lunch time. I can't eat during lunch time at 1 p.m so I just eat breakfast and lunch and over stuff myself, Or sometimes I eat a big breakfast. It helps better so then I'm not hungry at like 11 pm at night. That was my issue before, when I first started working I wouldn't eat lunch until 5-6 p.m and by the time I got home I would be starving. Now when I eat I feel full from my big breakfast, so when I eat dinner I am not even that hungry and I stuff myself again, so when I get home I am ready to unwind and sleep. I can't eat so late since its bad to eat before you sleep, but also my stomach hurts a lot when I wake up in the morning. So I get stomach cramps and acidity. Grrr.. I am determined, I am tired of saying over and over I want to lose weight.. I will do it! Whatever I can do and whatever it takes! I already cut my hair, and once I lose weight I will style it nice and get high lights.

I also have still been writing more, I finally got one article published at Thought Catalog, took me three trys. It finally got published and I recieved 16k views!!! I am so happy about that. I also write at Mogul website written about 2-3 new articles. I also am starting to write another book. I call it Spiderwoman or Spidergirl. It is a spinoff of Spiderman, but a girl instead. I hate how there are no superheroes that are women. So that got me thinking and now I have started writing. I already have the summary for the book, and I have a part 2 for it as well. I actually thought of it as movies. But now I think why not a book. I also have my other book, I guess I could call it Elkboy, or something. I haven't gotten back to it though. But its all a work in progress. I have also been reading more too. I am just trying to do more of my hobbies, its nice finally doing what I want. I wish I could travel too, but I know that will have to wait. I mean if I can do it all, maybe I can go somewhere, at least New York if anywhere, I do miss New York a lot. Maybe I can go to California one day, or Hawaii. My sister already went to Mexico, also where I want to go too. Maybe soon, hopefully. Or even maybe I may be able to go to Italy.  As far as dating, I am still talking to that guy, he's nice but its just casual for now. Its through online dating, I know it sucks but he is in Massachusetts, so its closer, don't know if we will ever meet though. We did talk on the phone once. That is the only issue with online dating websites, with meeting up its always just not as realistic.. But at least I am trying on some level. I have been talking to my mom now, and its alright for now. It's all getting a little better, one step at a time...

Spring is in the Air

    Things are getting a little better. A lot has happened and is happening. I got the job at Sykes! I am so happy. It is a bit different, its a call center company. I will be working for One Touch meters for testing blood. These meters are for diabetics to get blood sugar readings. Basically, I will be helping customers who call and can't fix their meter or have questions about it and what not. I have been getting training for about 3 weeks now. It has been a bit hectic. I am working full-time, 5 days a week. I like it so far, but there has been some drama from the new trainees. A bunch of new people are hired the same time, and the training is like a class. So we just talk to each other and are friends but some people have issues with others. Well, it is more like one woman that everyone kinda has a bit of issues with. It is entertainig to see drama but sometimes it gets annoying.

                                 

The weather is even better now, it gets a little cold, but then it gets nice again. I believe the last snow was definitely the last. It has been sunny today and some rains for next week. But I am excited for the summer! I have been working out too, exersicing more, I lost 5 lbs! I am 175lbs, I have 45lbs more to go. I still have to make up my fasts, about 10 left. But its alright, its hard now since I work. Maybe tomorrow I can do a fast. I walk about 2.5 miles for 5 days a week. So that is about 12.5 ish miles. Sometimes its less, but overall that is a lot of walking, plus I am exersicing at home. It gets me exhausted but I like it now. I feel like I am not having any cravings, and I drink a lot more water. I sleep early and wake up early. Everything is back on track for me. I have so much time now. I never realized how much time I spent in school and in my studies for school. It really is nice.

                                     

I have also been writing more now, on Mogul.com as a contributor writer. I have started this online matrimonial website, I know its a bit silly, and weird for me, but I thought why not? I did try this website before, but it was not that great, not a lot of decent guys. I ended up closing it. Now I made it again, and suprisingly there are some really decent guys. The only thing that sucks is being rejected or rejecting others. It is kinda like Tinder, if you are interested you "connect", if you are not sure than "maybe", and if you are not "decline". I was declined by almost every guy I wanted to connect with. But I also have rejected plenty of guys. I do have some that I accepted. There was one guy who I put as maybe, and then he wanted to connect and now I accepted. We have been texting on the phone for about 3 weeks now. He seems really nice, smart, and got to admit he is pretty cute.

                                         

The only issue I have been having is with my mom. She seems to be mad about every little thing I tell her. I can't seem to talk to her without her losing her mind. I have not told her about this guy. But I mean when I mentioned Italy she went ballistic. She takes things so literally, I was just generally thinking. She also has an issue with everything and everyone. I tell her one thing she starts accusing me and criticizing me about things I don't even know about, or understand. It is so tough having a mother like that. She pressures me too much, because of her I made that profile for that matrimonial website. I am saving money to move and live with her. But I wonder if I should, I will lose my mind if I have to deal with her crazy explosive thoughts. She makes me feel sick, talking to her really ruins my mood, and I get so depressed. I feel like I am never good enough, I don't know what I did, but I keep feeling guilty and like I did not do anything at all. I try to be there, and I try to be nice. But at this point I feel I don't need to go through this.

                
                                                 

It sucks because I just know that this is how our relation will be forever, she will never get me, she just doesn't get it. I can't get her to see my side because her mind doesn't even think that way. I always wished to have a mother like a companion, but it really will never be that way with my mom. I just have to accept it I guess....I just know when I am a mother I will love my kids so much. I have more understandings with my siblings now because we know how our parents are, and how little they were even there for us. I talk to my little sister about the problems I have with mother.

A Spring in Winter...

           The new year seems to be going alright for now. For the first time Buffalo has been really nice this winter. It has snowed here, but very little compared to last year. Since I have been back it snowed about 3 times, currently at the moment it is snowing, but it isn't too bad, maybe 6 inches at most. It does look pretty though and it melts the next day.. temperature is still in 20s-30s sometimes even 40s. I have been lounging around enjoying my time while I can. My degree has been confirmed and I don't need that Spanish II class after all! I am so happy now! I can finally relax and feel at peace. I will be picking up my diploma tomorrow! I can't wait! Also, I start working on Friday! The job is at a call center for Sykes Enterprises. I will be training for a month, full time, and the pay is slightly more than my JC Penney job. Once I am done training it will be even slightly more pay. I am really happy now, it is the first full time job I have ever had. It is the first job in which I will work in an office space, I will have my own cubicle? I believe.. The customer service is for these medical devices that diabetic patients use, and basically my job will be to help with technical difficulties. This is what I know so far. I had to got my first interview online and on phone, the second interview was at the building site, and then I went for a drug test. I have never gone for a drug test either... So a lot of firsts. I know it is not in my field or career interest, but it is better than no job.


   
I know it is a little bit sucking because I am only doing this job to save money and move to Texas. I wish I could stay longer, but I know my mom would not be happy. Plus I do have to start and apply for school there. I have started the application I just need to submit it with the $60.00 fee. I am waiting for my diploma to do that. Plus I need money. I am actually very low on money, so I desperately need this job. I really hope and pray that I can keep this job for the time I am here, I don't want to mess this up at all.



But I also have another opportunity that just happened recently.. Well, one of my cousin lives in Italy.. She has two sons, one is eight years old, and the other just turned one years old. My cousin is a speech pathologist and she works in the school that her son goes to. I had posted a Facebook status that I was finally done with school and listed the goals I wanted to achieve now. I had said that I can finally look for a full time job. So she messaged me asking if I wanted to come to Italy and work as an Au Pair. She said she was already looking for someone and thought it would be easier to have me since I am her cousin and she would trust me more than a stranger. So now, I am so excited but again overwhelmed. I really want to do this, but I don't know how or when. She wants me to come ASAP. But I am just starting my job, and I want to start school in fall which is usually late August.

Now, I don't mind working and starting graduate school in spring, which is January. So basically, I could start my masters program next year in January if I do go to Italy. I did tell her about my new job and plans for graduate school. But I also want to travel and get some experience working  with kids. Since she works in a school, I could tutor there, or even be a substitute teacher. I could even help her kids with their English. An Au Pair is a baby sitter from overseas. It is usually for college students that want to travel and have a certain study. Like some students might go to learn the language, the culture, or history. Some students do it for the experience of working with children, and some people do it for travel. Most of the Au Pairs work with agencies that help pick the families, and they live with the family, have their own room, and basically help out with children, chores, and daily tasks. Some Au Pairs cook and clean, it all is in a contract and they get paid a weekly stipend. Meals are free and room as well. The Au Pair is supposed to be treated like family, they get days off as well, and usually live with the family for a year.

Since I am her cousin, it is completely different. I know how my cousin is, I know her kids, and her husband. Her father is my father's older brother. She is my first cousin so we have a good relation. My cousin lives well in Italy, she has a nice place and she goes on vacation and what not, so she probably could just hire a babysitter from Italy... which is why I wonder, there might be more to it. I do feel she might be lonely. She is the only person in my family that lives in Italy, I am sure she has family there but it is from her husbands side. Her mother (my aunt) and father (my uncle) visit on holidays all the time, but again its not the same since she only comes once or twice a year to New York. I saw in the summer for my cousins wedding, before that I probably saw her on Skype last year in Spring Break while my uncle (her father) was chatting with her. And before that I probably saw her in 2012 at the end of the year during Christmas time.


My plan now is either I go to Italy and wait for spring semester, or I just stay and start school in fall. I believe it might be better if I worked and traveled, only because going to graduate school is much different and many people in graduate school usually have similar jobs or job experience. I know that as a teacher I will be able to get more experience with my masters too.. I know I will have more traveling opportunities, that is also why I am not sure if I should just jump to the first opportunity. But again, it is Italy! That would be great for my first country. I have been to Pakistan and Canada.. if the airport of Manchester counts, than I have also been to England. But other than that, I am stuck in America, back and forth between New York and Texas.

I really really want to go to Italy, the issue is my mother. She is all worried after I told her. She keeps thinking I will be gone for good and that I will live there. But I told her I will start school so I can't and I don't want to.. and why would I want to???? I just don't know how my mom can come up with a theory like that. Yes, I want to go but I don't want to live there. I guess my mom is scared and maybe wants to see me, so she thinks I won't stay long in Texas. But I know I want to move to Texas by April or May.. and I told my cousin it would be easier if I could start in August or September, also it would be better for her too, since I could stay a little bit longer. If I went now, it would be only 3 months. Since she wants it during school year, if I went in mid-August I could be there till December. Then at least her mother can come during the holidays and I can go back. So she will not have to worry about finding someone else and plus her son will be 2 years old by then. I don't even know.. if it will happen. I wish I could, it is my dream to travel. If I go I could also see other countries like, France, Spain, Greece, Switzerland, England, Germany, Austria, Netherlands....maybe even Portugal and Ireland. That would be so amazing for me. I could even possibly find my future husband... how romantic and exotic that would be. I know my cousin met her now husband in Italy when she was my age and traveling as well. I really hope it all works out. I know my cousin is ready to have me anytime, I know I can do August, I just need to move to Texas first, and convince my mom. SO for now my goal is save money, move, and than spend time with mother, apply for spring term, than Italy!



In terms of my weight I have been doing pretty good. I have to say that not having money is a key factor in helping me lose weight. It is silly, but true, I tend to splurge on snacks when I have money, but like now I am on a budget, I only buy what I need. So I have stopped snacking, and I eat healthy and simple meals. I haven't had meat for a while now, may be about 2 weeks now. Even if I did eat meat, it was like one or two meals worth. I do still enjoy my sweets, cookies and ice cream on occasion. I have been fasting more now, I kept about 5 fasts from January and now. I kept one yesterday and on Sunday, and one last Sunday. I am just making up the fasts that I missed for Ramadan last year. Now, I have only 10 fasts left! So that means I have kept 13 fasts since Ramadan. I only kept 7 fasts during Ramadan, so 7 and 13 is 20 fasts. I believe I have lost weight, but I haven't checked yet. I do feel a bit slimmer...

As to my relationship status, I am still single.. maybe even more now. I was talking to some guy, but even that I ended. I didn't say I ended but I just ignore him, I think he got the hint. I am not a fan of flirting, so this guy really tried to flirt with me a lot. I felt really uncomfortable and I hate it, so I tried to flirt. I noticed this guy only wants to talk at night and only wants to flirt. So it got kinda weird.. since the last text when I saw it, he was talking about my lips.. I just felt extremely weird, and I know if any guy ever tries to do those kind flirting styles, I just block them... so I didn't understand why I was letting this guy do the same and get away with it. So I told him I hate flirting, and I confronted him. Since then I ignored him now and he has not texted me or tried to skype with me. He was a nice guy, he lives in England and we talked for about a year or two. We met on a matrimonial website, but I have lost all hope on those types of relationship methods. I want someone I can see and meet in person. I want to live in New York hopefully after I complete my masters. My goal is to buy a house someday in New York. I don't want to live in England, and I have no desire leaving my family again. I need someone who is in the U.S and close by.. a real person.

Holidays, Food, and a New Year... 2016

             It is already 2016! Can't believe how fast time fly's. My semester is over and I got all my grades, I passed all of them with B range grades. Not sure what I will do now. I was going to do my teaching certification but when I learned how many graduate students were taking the same classes as me an undergraduate, than I thought I might as well do my masters. Also, most schools prefer a masters over a certification, and is an automatic certification because many masters programs are qualified as a teaching certification. That is my plan for now.


            For the holidays I went to Texas to visit my mom and siblings. I stayed for 3 weeks, now I go back to Buffalo tomorrow. It wounded up snowing here in Lubbock, TX randomly, which made us get stuck at home. It snowed about 1 foot, almost like a blizzard with hale as well. It was interesting since many of the neighbors didn't have shovels, so they used shovels that are for digging dirt, to shovel the snow. Not smart because those shovels are heavy, and metal, the snow would stick to the shovel and it is much smaller than snow shovels. I used a dust pan to shovel a pathway to my moms car. There was ice on the porch, so I poured hot salt water to melt it. The plastic dust pan worked better then the dirt shovel, funny though.


                                     


In the midst of that, I left my cat in Buffalo, my roommate was catsitting for me. I put her in the attic, since its spacious for her to walk around, and there are small windows she can look outside as she usually does. There was also already a mattress and some chairs, so I put blankets on them for her to sleep or sit near the window. I put everything for her,  food, water, and a heater, radio... etc. She was doing well, and it was all good for 10 days. Then on Christmas my roommate had to visit his mom, so he said he will ask my other roommate to watch. He stayed at his moms for a day and came back on December 27th. When the other roommate left to work he said the cat was meowing, so it was around afternoon. My roommate came back four hours later around evening time and went to check on her. Basically my cat somehow went outside. There is also another roommate, a girl who has a mental disability. She said she didn't know anything, but its pretty much the only answer. She definitely opened the door and let my cat go outside. Nobody else was home. My cat was missing for  6 days and was finally found on January 1st. When she came back her collar was gone. My roommate had been looking for her everyday, and he put fliers. That day he heard a noise outside, when he went to check, he called out for her name, and she came to him at the door. SO now, when he put her in the attic he put a lock on the door. The girl roommate threatened to call the animal control saying my cat has fleas. She told him the cat has to be gone by the end of the day. He put the cat at his friends home until I get back.




The thing is I am allowed to have this cat, it is in my lease and the landlord knows too. In the summer the lease was made in front of all the tenants, and the police was there as well, and they even said I can have a cat. This girl just moved about three months ago. She suddenly thinks she can say and do whatever. When I get back my cat will be back with me in my room in that house. If she tries to give me any issues, I will call the police on her. She is crazy for letting a house pet out, and it snowed. I was so stressed and worried sick, I didn't sleep those nights. I felt guilty, and scared. I love my cat too much and I wanted her to be comfortable in the house. I have been living in that house for a year and about five months now. I am now planning to move to Texas and live with my mom. I want to help her out. My goal is to move by May or June. I plan to try and get into Texas Tech University for my masters in education. Hopefully if I get accepted I can start it, and work part time in a school or other places. I do want experience as well working in schools. In the meantime while I am in Buffalo, I will just pack, apply for the college, and work. I want to save money, and try to get my driving license. I also need to check if my degree is confirmed, because I still haven't taken Spanish II. I need to know if I still have to take it. I also need to figure out how I will bring my stuff. I have mostly clothes, some books, pillows, and other things. My goal was also to buy a car, but not sure if I will be able to in that time. But lets see...

While I was here in Lubbock, I just ate a lot of food. Spent time with my mom. I helped fix her house. I cleaned basically and organized her kitchen, bathroom, bedroom. I helped put the T.V, before they had the small screen. Just today I cleaned my mom's room. It was really messy and I didn't think it would be easy, but now my mom's holidays were over, so I was home alone. My little sister also went to school, so I cleaned it up.




I am now so happy my cat came back. I can't wait to see her and I miss her. I am so attached to her, I was having withdrawal symptoms when I first came. I am so used to her sleeping next to me at night, and sitting at my lap when I watch movies or t.v. shows. My older sister has 3 cats, so to get some cat company I would go to her house. One of my sister's cat, Chewy, had something really strange with her fur. Chewy's fur on her back became like clumps, felt like bark wood. It was kinda creepy feeling. The problem is Chewy has so much fur. She looks very huge because of it. The fur on her back was extremely dry or something because there was a lot of dandruff in those clumps. My little sister and I cut those clumps off, and tried to trim down some of her fur. First we tried wetting and brushing it out, but then we just cut it with a scissor. That is when we saw so much dandruff throughout those clumps. So I even managed to help that little munchkin Chewy out. She is a really funny cat, kinda like the leader of the three. Then there is Shanu, and Tina/Choonie.

               ^^ Chewy ^^

Shanu is a boy, I usually call him Whiteboy. Tina is a girl, she is the smallest of  the three, my sister calls her Choonie, but I call her Tina. She is the cutest and doesn't scratch. She also keeps to herself. Whiteboy is sweet but he can play a little rough. Chewy is fiesty, and sometimes she randomly bops Whiteboy in the head with her paw. It can be entertaining to watch them.

                                   


I took a bus to get here. It took 2 days, was some strange bus ride. I got to see Chicago for the first time. I had some strange experiences. I had to transfer buses 3 times. First bus went to Ohio, when I sat, some lady came randomly and was trying to tell me that its only for two people. But really she just wanted her kids to sit next to each other. I didn't get what she said, but she just told her daughter to sit next to me. So it was alright. Then I took a bus to Chicago. That bus I sat alone, until some black woman with her two kids sat right behind me. I was in the second to last seat. The last seat is longer.  So I fell asleep, and woke up to this little girl staring at me. Basically those kids were hopping, bouncing back and forth from the seat next to me to theirs. The little girl asked me for quarters, she tried to tickle me, then told me to wear deodorant, and she called me Mexican and a pilgrim. She tried to ask for my phone.  Then her little brother came he was sliding all in the seat next to me, he smelled like pee (I'm guessing he peed in his pants), and was barefoot. Then there was some old black man sitting in the back seat too, and he just was helping the mother out, so he asked to use my phone. Then the mother asked for it too, I let them use it. I was worried the kids would take it and try to look at my stuff... Then the little boy came back and had some peanut butter crackers. He couldn't open the packet so I helped him, then he ate it all. There were crumbs everywhere on the seat, orange crumbs, he brushed off the seat. When we got to Chicago I picked up my bag that was under my seat, it had orange crumbs all over.

Then I took a bus from to Amarillo TX. I managed to get an empty seat. I always try to go for the window seat. There was one pick up stop, and just one lady got on. Apparently, the empty seat next to me was the only seat, and she sat next to me. This woman was old, and very very large... Not only that she had a giant blanket, and a bag with snacks, and another bag. Basically I was squished against that window. It was very tight. There was a break stop, and from there I changed my seat and sat next to some hispanic guy, so then that was fine. But then, apparently, there was some woman a few seats back, she got a little mad, when some men were talking and laughing and she told them to stop because she was trying to sleep. The men whispered but she still got mad. Later on, she got mad about really weird things, I think she said something to the lady sitting next to her who was black, and said something to her which she went and sat somewhere else.  Then some guy accidentally tripped over her leg, and she complained how he didn't even say sorry. She complained on and on. She talked about her life, her ex-husband, kids, and her daughter has anorexia, she has to go to the hospital to see her. Her ex-husband beat her, she got pregnant at 18 years old. She wanted to study psychology. She sounded smart, but clearly something was wrong with her.  At one point she was even crying about something.

The guy next to me left, and some new people got on, some small Mexican man sat next to me. He was really nice, I couldn't charge my phone, so he offered me his so I did that. I had to charge my ipod but my charger would fall out of the socket. So he managed to put it in the socket of the seats behind me. That woman was sitting behind me. But she was sleeping so we were okay. We were worried she would wake up and get crazy again. He was trying to talk to me, I tried my best to speak in Spanish, trying to use my Spanish speaking skills.




Then I took a bus to Lubbock. In that bus, it was super cold, it was an old bus, there were no charger outlets. Some old man sitting behind me was coughing non-stop. Definitely an odd experience. Now I will have to go back to Buffalo, taking 3 buses as well. First Lubbock to Memphis TN, then Memphis to Ohio, and Ohio to Buffalo. I will be leaving at night and get there after two days during evening.

                                         




                                   
                ~ Food my mom made ~

Going back I have other goals as well. I had lost weight and now I gained it all back. My goal is to lose at least 30 lbs before I move to Texas. So by the time I move, I should be 30 lbs less. If I try from now to June, in five months I know I can easily lose 30 lbs. or even more. I think I can do 40 lbs. I had lost 15 lbs back in October and November. Just being here I wanted to take advantage and eat all I wanted, since I know how I eat back at home is not as great as my mom's food. I also want to exercise more, that way I can be toned as well. It is a new year after all, I am trying to make good goals. I really want to travel, my goal is to travel to at least one country this year. I want to save for it. I'm not sure where but I want to go, maybe somewhere cheap for now. Get my license, car, job, and start masters program... and lose weight. Also maybe try to get something going with my relationship status, I think I will try to find someone soon, and hopefully settle down.


                                                    

Changes.

                It is already November, only one month left until 2016. It is so insane how quickly this year has gone by. Summer is long gone.. The weather is definitely colder, although sometimes it can get somewhat warm, but the highest temperature has been in the 60s. I am surprised because it would be snowing by this time, like last year. So maybe this year is a warmer winter? I hope it doesn't snow for as long as possible. I am excited for Thanksgiving, and also my birthday is on Tuesday. I won't be doing much for either day, but I am just happy to see all the holiday festivities. I will try to do something for Thanksgiving, if I can. Once school is finished I will be going to visit my mother in Texas, and I'll be staying there for a month. The only issue is my cat, since I will take the bus this time, I have to figure out who can cat sit for me. School is going by quickly as well, I only have about 4-5 weeks left. I dropped the Spanish class that I was taking. I know it sucks, and I feel guilty, but I was struggling in the class, and my first test grade was not good. The second test I took and the same day I dropped the class, I am pretty sure I failed. I will check with the professor, and let her know I dropped the class. I really feel the teacher was not teaching well, she did not do much, but had us do activities from the textbook, if that was the case, I could do that alone. The test were super tricky as well. I wish that these type of language classes were taught differently. There should be constant teaching of making sentences, but also translating sentences. But that does not happen at all. We answer questions in the book, she never really checked anything. Also she took a lot of points off, instead of being lenient. So that doesn't help, obviously I won't be perfect, but it doesn't help if I don't get any credit, even for having it partially right. We spent almost two months on one chapter, and the next we finished in just two weeks.

I am done with school. I had planned on getting my teaching certification. I have decided to not do it. I am taking three courses for teaching certification this semester, and I learned that those classes also have graduate students as well. So I am taking graduate level courses, basically, but undergraduates can also take them. So I thought, I might as well do my masters. I won't need the teaching certification if I have a masters. I also am starting to miss my family a lot, so I feel that I need to be there for them as well. I now am hoping that I can move to Texas by next year in maybe spring time. In the mean time I am going to work, save money, and try to buy a car. I still have yet to learn to drive. I can't afford the driving school lessons, it is $45 per 45 minute lesson, which is a lot, since I need a lot of practice. I don't have that much money to keep paying until I can drive. I really need to get some friends with cars, or something, because I just want to practice, even if its 5 minutes, it will help. I do have a new room mate, who has a car, although it isn't the best looking car, but that is why I think it would be easier to drive her car. Other people have cars but are too nice, that I wouldn't want to drive it, being scared I might mess it up. Plus I don't think they would want me learning to drive in their car. So I might ask my room mate, she is nice, and just moved here. Finally I am not the only girl living here.
                                              

I was thinking when I go to Texas, I can work, and help my mother out. Plus I will save money, if I live with her, she has her own place now. There is a school there called Texas Tech University. It is a pretty good school, and a lot of medical students go there, so I am thinking I can do my masters for education there. My older sister is studying there as well. I do wish I could go to New York, but I don't want to be away from my family. It has been almost 2 years since I have been living away from my family, and I only saw them twice. I don't do anything, I stayed at home for Halloween, had a midterm paper to write. All I could do was paint my face. So once I am finished with school I will try to find a job. I will work full time if I can, and I really wish it could be associated with my major but I don't mind if it is other jobs.

Aside from that, I have lost some weight. I didn't eat meat for a month! I started from October till November. It wasn't bad, I didn't feel any different. I did crave chicken towards the end. But I was more awake, and I eat much less now. I eat probably about two times a day. I lost 10lbs and I hope I lost more, but I have to check. I have been eating chicken again, but that's about it. I completely stopped eating ice cream, junk food, and occasional I will eat sweets. Which is a lot less than before. I just now bought ice cream only for my birthday. Now I have to try and get exercise into my routine. I am proud that I am at least doing one thing right.
                                                   

Other issues, more related to what is happening in the world is making it so much more tense. Just the other day Paris had a terrorist attack, and before that was an attack on Lebanon. It is sad that no one saw or read about Lebanon and more news was given to Paris, but I also feel each loss is huge, and one is not greater than the other. I just wish it would all end. It is really scary that these issues are just getting worse by the minute. I feel that may be a W.W.III. Something is going to happen because it is crazy what is happening in the Middle East and in Europe, and at this point the whole world is involved.